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Phone Etiquette Red Flags

22 Oct

Phone FailPeople seem to be going ape shit over the new iPhone, therefore I felt this topic needed to be addressed. While the iPhone and phones in general (can we even call them that anymore) are capable of many great things, in the wrong hands they have the potential to wreak havoc in your dating life.

You can learn a lot about someone from the way they use their phone…

Taking calls during a date.

First off, if their obnoxious hipster ring tone is even going off during your date they’ve already violated the first rule of dating etiquette which is making sure your phone is on vibrate before the night begins. Always remember this; nobody wants to be interrupted by your phone only to awkwardly watch you decide whether the person calling is worth the interruption.

Second, if your phone does ring during a date, unless it is an emergency, do NOT pick it up. If your date does pick up a casual phone call and leaves you hanging to stir about with your fork on that last noodle for ten minutes…Red Flag that shit. This could be an indication of the “I‘m kind of a big deal“ syndrome. It is just plain rude and ultimately shows that they don’t respect you or your time.

Shady phone behaviors.

While I do not condone secretly going through somebody else’s phone, I do not condone allowing shady phone behavior from a partner to persist either. There are a number of shady behaviors that don’t require prying on your part to detect.

The first is phone attachment. If your partner goes out of their way to make sure they take their phone with them every time they go to the bathroom or leaves the room for a minute…Red Flag. There is obviously something or someone on there that he or she does not want you to see.

Another sign is sending or receiving texts or calls at odd times of the night. If your partner’s phone is consistently going off late night you better believe they aren’t “wrong numbers,” “my mother,” or any other lame excuse they might throw out there all the time. Once the clock strikes midnight, 90% of phone business can be chalked up to shady.

Excessive phone use while with your date/partner.

In this age we’ve all been guilty of this at some time or another. Whether it’s with a friend, family, or girlfriend/boyfriend, staying glued to your phone is a real fuck you to the person you’re with.

Nobody wants to be the third wheel to your riveting game of “Words With Friends” or be corrected by your Google search during a casual conversation. If your date/partner is one of these iPhone whores, may I suggest giving them some of their own letters to unscramble the next time they bust out Words’ with their buddies during your dinner date…I T S O V E R.

Forgetting to DELETE.

What is this, amateur hour? No matter how many security apps and passwords your phone has, never ever leave old texts from your ex, naked pics, embarrassing drunk videos, or anything drug related on your phone.

If you have to, just email them to yourself and wipe your phone clean. It only takes one time for your current boyfriend or girlfriend to go clepto on your phone and find that one miniscule text or picture from your ex for them to start guilt-tripping you into breakfast or blowjob in bed every Sunday.

Also, nothing is more embarrassing than a bunch of those MySpace bathroom, angled pics of your goodies showing up online after losing your phone during happy hour.

Arguing through text/BBM/iMessage.

If you think there is even a hint of extra force in your fingers as you type…just make the call. I will vouch for all men here, we are horrible at correctly interpreting shit tests and basic emotions conveyed through text.

In any situation, this is no way to solve your relationship problems. It only takes one text to be misinterpreted, and then misinterpreted again after it’s shown to all of your girlfriend’s bffs, before you’re blindsided by a fucking shit storm.

And that’s really all I have to say about that.

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