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Is My Girlfriend A Whore?

21 Jul

Guest post! I love these! Thank you loyal anonymous reader…

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are not all necessarily that of redflag101. Thank you.

Don’t get it twisted, I do not discriminate. Whores are people too and once in awhile I do partake. I am half-human after all. This is a post for the guys that end up getting hurt and heartbroken from not catching these not so obvious *ahem* Red Flags early on and later cry “Why meeee?!” … “What did I do?!” … “How can she do this to me?!” … etc…

Sure there are the obvious signs; she wants to make babies the moment you meet her…she’s either in love or she’s a whore, either way it’s a Red Flag. You catch her with your best friend on your bed…Red Flag…yeah she’s probably a slut. But what about those not so obvious warning signs? I will go over a few of these in this post in an effort to entertain and educate.

Without further ado… A few Red Flags to note when filtering out the whores. Enjoy.

Your First Time With Each Other Is Not In A Bed

Let’s say you’ve been dating a girl for about a week now. You guys go on a few dates, you spend some money on her and have a great time. It’s time to put out or get the fuck out, right? Of course right. Well read the next few sentences carefully, as it may change some lives

If you guys have sex for the first time in anything but a bed, then Red Flag…Whore!

I don’t care if you guys are belligerent drunk. I don’t care if the nearest bed is miles away. A true lady will always insist that the first time she bumps uglies with a new dude takes place on something that remotely resembles a bed. Not a park bench. Not your front lawn. Not the back seat of your Prius. A bed! It shouldn’t be that hard…right?

The “Bottle Whore”

What is a Bottle Whore you’re probably wondering? These are the girls that hang around you and your boys at a night club after you pay an arm and a leg to get two bottles of $30 vodka and a table to sit at. They are interested in three things…getting attention, looking cool, and to see how little of their own money they can spend on drinks.

Within a few minutes of introducing themselves these ladies proceed to drink all of your alcohol and if you’re lucky you might get to take one home and possibly fuck. It’s the least she can do, right? Now, I’m not saying these girls are necessarily hands down whores. The point is that the Bottle Whore Red Flag means there are probably rows and rows of more Red Flags left to be discovered.

Having said that, I have this weird respect for them. In my humble opinion, these girls are borderline genius. How can someone who works 3 nights a week bartending making less money than In-N-Out workers be able to afford clubbing every night! The recipe is simple, yet brilliant. You start with some blond hair and a skanky dress, throw in some boob and/or ass flashing, some smiles and hugs, and SUCCESS! Free drinks all night! Genius.

The funny thing is, you still don’t get to fuck them. The best part is that you really can’t get mad cause there’s 50 other guys in the club that would slit your throat and kick your dog to have these girls at their table. In fact, next time you are lucky enough to have some Bottle Whores grace your table, and flirt with your fat ugly friends, you give these girls a hug and pour them another Vodka Cran. Can I get an Amen?

The Attention Whore

Weeeeeeeeeee...

Is your girl always posting and updating her Facebook and Twitter with stupid shit?

“Check Out My New Beeeach Picssss!!!!! XOXO”

And then her 3,000 guy friends comment…

“Nice, lets fuck!!! LOOOOL”

At the beach does she wear the slutiest bikinis she can get her hands on that makes all the male pervs stare as their fat wives roll their eyes?

Does she always have to be the obnoxious center of attention at every party you attend together and you’re constantly contemplating playing in traffic?

I can keep going for days, but if you answered yes to any of these questions, then Red Flag! Remember, you can’t spell “Attention Whore” without Whore.

She Likes The Butt

This applies to liking your butt, or getting it in the butt.

If she likes your butt (ie tossing salad), it means she’s tossed many gross hairy salads before. Which is a Red Flag for obvious reasons and a little gross to me personally. Having said that, I can’t discriminate, more power to you girls.

Now, if she likes getting it in the butt, then that’s a different story all together. I’m a fan and all, but if the girl I’m dating is ready to give up the pooper within the first two weeks, I’m a little hesitant and flag it immediately. A true lady (at least one that I’d bring home to mom) waits at least until your two-month anniversary before giving up the butt.

Conclusion

Remember, all these Red Flags are not necessarily deal breakers, and may even be Green Lights to some. It’s all about what YOU are after in a relationship and what your preferences are. I will argue however that if a girl you’re dating exhibits one or more of these Red Flags, there is a good chance next “Girls Night” your bbms go unanswered due to her taking it in the butt from a dude who bought the biggest bottle of vodka in the club that night.

In fact, my advice…Just avoid this nonsense altogether and start dating fat chicks. Happiness is much easier to find when you’re fat.

To be continued…

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5 Responses to “Is My Girlfriend A Whore?”

  1. Noho 07/21/2011 at 2:48 PM #

    yay I lol’d all the way through. get this writer on here full time!

  2. Pete 08/18/2011 at 4:34 PM #

    This is hysterical!

    • Minor 08/22/2011 at 2:19 PM #

      Like! Thanks for commenting,
      -M

  3. Angie 11/08/2011 at 10:59 PM #

    There are sooooo many things I could say about this post that I WILL keep to myself. “whores are people too” lol it is a bit funny I admit, but if she has sex with YOU on the first date in some place other than the bed… Doesn’t that say something about you also? Just saying… Takes two to tango. I would just like men to check their whore-dometers before calling women whores that’s all. This is 2011–> everybody”s a whore! Lol…

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