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Hmm, Is My Boyfriend Trying To Kill Me?

21 Jun

American PsychoAnonymous submission by a loyal reader who talks about her past abusive relationship. Thank you for sharing!

When I was 18 I met a boy named Jason. He was handsome, buff, cool car, older, and fun. We began talking and texting and I began to wonder why we weren’t actually hanging out.

He kept telling me work and school kept him busy, so I assumed this to be true and continued to talk to him. Things progressed and we started hanging out more, but things still weren’t adding up, he would always say he had class, but his schedule didn’t make sense. Eventually things started changing and we began to spend a lot of time together. Friends told me to stay away from him and that he was trouble…Red Flag…but I was blind-folded by the cute guy I wanted so badly to be my boyfriend.

A few months passed and I became his girlfriend. I can actually remember when this became official. I was at a Cinco de Mayo party with some friends and for some reason he started screaming at me because I wasn’t at the party with him. Should’ve been a Red Flag, but it was our first fight and upon making up, I became his girlfriend.

Things started off well, he was 24 and I was now 19, but I still wasn’t able to go to the bars with him. I also began to notice I never actually saw him with his phone. Red Flag.

One day I finally saw it, and decided to take a look at what he had been up to. I found texts from a girl named Jessica saying how he loved her and wanted to move in with her. Then all of a sudden, Jessica was calling! I picked up, explained who I was, and listened to her tell me SHE was his girlfriend and how they were going to move in together and were in love. When I asked him about it, he told me she was some crazy girl and nothing was going on with them. Red Flag.

A few months later things got even more intense; at a BBQ at his house he pushed me and I remember flying across the room and hitting my head on the wall. I can’t remember all of the details, not only were this a long time ago, but I have been trying to block most of the memories out. I remember my friend freaking out and me crying. I don’t know what I could have done to deserve that, but I committed another Red Flag myself and stuck around.

There were other instances of this happening, we fought a lot, he always thought I was cheating on him (they say the guilty are always the ones who accuse you). We would get into fights and he would push me or grab me by the hair. It’s hard to remember all of it.

After all of that I still stuck around, I can’t really explain why; maybe I liked the attention, maybe I was insecure, maybe I was in love (or thought so at least). Sometimes when we would fight I would leave with a friend crying and scared, and once Jason even followed my friend Chris. He called and threatened Chris and said he was going to kill him. Chris was terrified, and after the threat he eventually wrote my father an anonymous letter outlining all the details of my relationship with Jason.

After a concert one night with a bunch of friends we got in a fight, I can’t remember why, but while walking out of the venue with the other 6,500 people leaving the concert he shoved me into a flower bed. I remember my friend’s boyfriends pushing him and starting to get into a fight with him until the police showed up. They explained why they were fighting with him and when the officer approached me I was hysterical, and I declined to talk about it and went home.

After I dropped off my friends I began to pull up to my house, where I soon learned he was waiting for me there. Earlier I screamed “WE’RE DONE” and turned off my phone, and now there he was.

I remember being terrified and trying to figure out what to do; I didn’t want to involve my parents. I decided to drive and pray he stopped following me, of course that didn’t happen. I raced through my neighborhood, and onto a main street, he was still behind me. Finally it got to the point where if I continued driving straight I would end up in the middle of nowhere, and I feared he really would kill me if it got to that point. It was late at night and there were few cars on the road. I pulled into the left turn lane praying the light would change, and then I saw him, standing at my window, screaming for me to get out of the car. I had called my best friend during all of this, I was hysterical and so was she. She had called the police and was on her way to find me with her boyfriend. At this point he was banging on my window and the light still hadn’t changed, and all of a sudden the window was broken and I was covered in glass. My friend and her boyfriend arrived immediately after and told him the police were on their way.

That was the end of my relationship with Jason. My friend called my father and he came to find me covered in glass shaking, soon after he received the letter outlining everything else that had happened during the course of the relationship. I never talked to Jason after that incident, I’m not sure if my father had a hand in that or not, but it was certainly the end. Eventually I moved on, and blocked the entire relationship from my memory. It wasn’t easy, but as anyone who has been in an abusive relationship and made it out will tell you, it doesn’t get better, it only gets worse.

Recently I was talking to one of my girlfriends and somehow I mentioned his name. She started to tell me that she has met Jason before and he kept trying to take her out, but luckily her friends kept telling her about everything that he did to his ex-girlfriend (me), which was when I realized I had become a cautionary tale. The one good thing that came from all of this is that when it was over, I began to actually pay attention to the Red Flags I saw in guys, and I knew when to walk away.

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9 Responses to “Hmm, Is My Boyfriend Trying To Kill Me?”

  1. Smith 06/22/2011 at 1:30 PM #

    There is a five years age difference which to me is a huge gap that would lead to this kind of stuff.

  2. Erica Faith 06/22/2011 at 1:52 PM #

    Wow, that guy was crazy! I’m so glad you were able to safely get out of that harmful relationship. Nobody deserves that.

  3. bj 06/22/2011 at 1:59 PM #

    trust your gut it will protect you from danger!
    something seems wrong it probably is!

  4. Bradrick 06/22/2011 at 2:04 PM #

    Wow! You went through a lot in that relationship, and you are very blessed to be alive. Your story really drew me in. This is definitely a story that all young women should read. It’s important to pay attention to the red flags you mentioned. It’s also important for young women to not only pay attention to looks, cars, and material possessions a guy may have. But look at his character as well. Best of wishes to you in the future.

  5. helena afrin 06/22/2011 at 2:14 PM #

    It depends. All boyfriends are not same and also all girlfriends are not same. If any bad thing happens must be anyone made this situation. It could be boyfriend or it could be girlfriend.

  6. Samantha R. 06/22/2011 at 4:04 PM #

    Oh my gosh that is crazy. Thank god ya’ll are ok.

  7. Adam 06/22/2011 at 4:13 PM #

    Wow no wonder woman are so afraid to go out on blind dates and such.

  8. moka6002 06/22/2011 at 4:33 PM #

    i think yo should listen to your heart, it will tell you what to do.

  9. Cacao 01/11/2012 at 7:14 PM #

    Um one tyme my bf tryed to kill me bye feeding me brokin glass. 4 real. but lyke I luv him and he luvz me and it was only that 1 tyme.
    luvya, good luck!
    XOXOXO

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