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Halloween and Whores

28 Oct

A very relevant new one from TheReformedSlut!!!

Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) in “Mean Girls” said it best;

“In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. The hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears.”

Happy Halloween! It’s the national holiday for whoring out and it’s amazing. I’ve dressed up in as many combinations of lingerie and accessories as I could pull off and I must say I’ve had an amazing time each year. The most ‘creative’ costume to date had to be the yellow and black lingerie, black boots, fishnets, and paper boy hat that, when combined, turned out to be the hottest taxi driver of 2009. Sigh…such good times.

But I haven’t revelled in the half nude company of my hot girl posse on Halloween without learning a few pointers that kept me safe, sane, and disease free. I’ve been to enough Halloween events and parties to spot the wannabe whores from the downright dirty ones and guys dressed up as girls to the guys who really are trannies.

Pocahontas (with the satchel full of condoms)

The satchel is there to show guys that she’s sexy, wild, and down for the pound. But in reality, she’s using the condom to prevent spreading the disease she’s already contracted from the one of the three other guys she’s fucked that night. Stay away. Stay far away.

The guy dressed up like a ghost

First of all, he’s cheap and he can’t make up for it in creativity. The sheet he used for his ‘costume’ is taken straight off his bed, and the spots that make the ghost look aged and authentic is really stains from god knows what he’s done to himself or someone else in bed.

Girls with painted-on costumes

Unless you’re at a playboy event or the girl was paid to be painted and naked, then there is no legitimate reason for her to show off all her assets. Getting paid to get painted on means a professional is painting you; if the lady has painted herself into a luxurious blue avatar, then chances are in a hour she’s about to look like a bleached smurf. Her nakedness screams ‘DO ME!’ but she’ll probably play the prude and give you blue balls.

The guy that’s a little TOO happy to be dressed like a girl

I’ve seen it. The hot guy dressed like a girl starts off as a simple yet hilarious costume. It will quickly spiral down if he spends the rest of his night with guys while he is dressed as a woman. Sorry to break it to ya ladies, but if he calls them ‘breasts’ instead of boobs or tits, then he probably doesn’t want to touch your vagina.

The Slut Fairy

Girls have been dressing up like slutty fairies for DECADES. I’ve seen the same fairy getup worn by girls who developed early in middle school alongside 30 year olds. Come on! Let’s move on to a new fantasy creature now.

The Vagina Costume
vagina costume

No. Just, no. If you sleep with this guy, you are a fucking retard.

Happy Halloween Humping!

-Reformed

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