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How My Ex Damaged My Goods: The 27 Relationship Red Flags I Failed To See

7 Mar

Part 1. Welcome To My Nightmare

November 22, 2009… If in Hell there were such a thing as a Christmas morning, I was in it, unwrapping little devil gifts.

Jenny has been on her work trip in Spain for about a week now and lucky for me, Jenny had forgotten to take her laptop with her. I had bought her the laptop, and ironically she would never let me use it.

What I did next I am not super proud of, but at this point I’ve had ENOUGH. I went through every file digging for answers, and once again, I found them.

I discovered a file marked “pics” on her desktop. Of course I opened them. The images I saw were a little out of focus, but I can begin to see they revealed skin tones.

I looked closer and… F#CK ME SIDEWAYS!!!

There was my girlfriend Jenny, my love of 5 years, butt ass naked, doing the spread eagle on the bathroom floor with her “friend.”

And what did I find next? Jenny had apparently become a filmmaker. Her first screenplay, “Cheating at its Finest”, starring Jenny as ‘Whore #1’ and “friend” as ‘Dirty Bastard’.

Five Years Earlier…

September 4, 2004: Jenny and I met at a Linkin Park/Korn concert. Remember this date, it will have meaning as I go on. There I was thinking I met a nice girl at a concert, who clearly had the same interests as me, I thought to myself “green flag”; unfortunately, that was not the case. Looking back on the details of that night, I remember that while I was putting in work on Jenny, she was having drama with another guy she had just met that same night. RED FLAG #1 – Drama.

Being the dummy that I was then, I ignored what she had going on the sidelines and tried even harder to pursue her. By the end of the night, I had her phone number and the beginning of the end started right then and there.

September 8, 2004: I called Jenny for the first time; I followed the “rules” and waited the appropriate four days to call. (You know, the “rules” that you can’t look too interested right away… I was such a RED FLAG, I know). So a few days later I had my first date with Jenny. Now here is where it gets hazy, to be honest, I don’t remember anything about our first date. Haha! It must have gone well…no RED FLAGS I guess?

September 20, 2004: Our second date, which I do remember, consisted of many RED FLAGS on my part. I invited her to my parent’s house, where I lived at the time… RED FLAG on me. (In my defense I was only 19. She was 21). I invited her over to go for a swim in my parents’ pool and watch a movie after. What a smooth operator I was (another RED FLAG on me). Unfortunately for me, she did not recognize the RED FLAGS and kick me to the curb; so our dating continued.

September 2006: Two years strong and my relationship with Jenny looked good! You know, when you’re in that honeymoon state of love, and have your blinders deflecting all RED FLAGS in sight. Everything you do with that person is just magical; he or she can seemingly do no wrong.

December 18, 2006: Jenny and I went on a trip to Vegas for the first time together. It was also the first time I dropped ecstasy… along with good judgment and morals. Jenny got the idea to just take the “little green pill”, stay in our room and “enjoy the ride” together. It was something I had never done before and was really on the fence about. Jenny, on the other hand, had experimented with recreational drugs in the past, before we began dating. RED FLAG #2 - Illegal drugs.

The thing you have to understand is that I felt safe with her, I trusted her. This was the first and last time I experimented with illegal drugs.

This night also led to the first time I spilled the little three words every girl waits to here, “I love you” and I meant it. (All drugs aside, haha). The next day I bought her a ring, no not an engagement ring silly, but just a kind of promise ring.

Jenny and I had a blast. We were partners in crime. We were enjoying the world together and more importantly we were happy. I had the love blinders on (limo-tinted, oversized blinders in fact). I know what you’re thinking, it didn’t seem that bad, and how would I have known? Well it’s about to be RED FLAG city!

February 14, 2007: Valentine’s Day! YAY!!! We have the best idea ever, “Let’s get matching tattoos!!!” RED FLAG #3 - Getting a tattoo with or for your mate (matching, name, portrait, etc.)

(OMG… WORST. IDEA. EVER! by the way… From what I have witnessed it is almost like a kiss of death to the relationship). Anyways, like I mentioned before, the date we met was September 4th, 2004, now comes into play. Our birthdays were four days apart in April, the fourth month of the year. The number “4” clearly seemed to play a significant symbol in our relationship, so to commemorate this we both got a Roman numeral four “IV” on the inside of our wrists. Cause nothing says ETERNAL TRUE LOVE like matching tattoos right?? READ THE REST…

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82 Responses to “How My Ex Damaged My Goods: The 27 Relationship Red Flags I Failed To See”

  1. Maxwell 03/07/2011 at 8:51 PM #

    WOW what an unbelievable story Minor! I have a mix of feelings – shock, sadness, hatred but also happiness that you’ve learned a lifetime of lessons from this and are a better person from this whole experience.

    • Minor 03/07/2011 at 8:54 PM #

      Hi Maxwell… thank you very much for reading! And yes plenty more where this came from…

  2. Nik 03/07/2011 at 8:52 PM #

    Wow this should be punishable by death…

  3. Ryan 03/07/2011 at 10:19 PM #

    this makes me want to grab my pitch-fork and go on a witch hunt… wow!!!!

    • Minor 03/07/2011 at 10:22 PM #

      HAHA… thanks for reading Ryan!

  4. HOT_LA_Chik 03/07/2011 at 10:20 PM #

    omg.. crazy story :(

    • Minor 03/07/2011 at 10:23 PM #

      Hi HOT Chik :)

  5. biker_boy 03/09/2011 at 3:09 PM #

    WOW!!! scary that i can relate to some of these things!!! glad everything workded out bud.

  6. josh 03/09/2011 at 5:13 PM #

    Damn cuz! I had no idea it was that bad!

  7. Jen81 03/09/2011 at 6:45 PM #

    A great story, thank you for sharing… and so well written. I am so sorry this happend to you. Some people can be so cruel :(

    • Minor 03/09/2011 at 6:49 PM #

      Thank you for reading Jen!!

  8. demo 03/09/2011 at 9:45 PM #

    WOW!!!! Scandalist woman, thats why i dont have a GF!!

  9. snow 03/10/2011 at 7:43 AM #

    Buy fake ED Hardy clothing from our cheap ED Hardy outlet-Tardegardenshop, we provide more fake ED Hardy products that you want

  10. Aurora 03/10/2011 at 7:54 AM #

    Scary!

    I got into a relationship with a guy, with a lot of the same redflags you included, especially the drug abuse part of it…

    I tried to keep an “open mind” about his and his friends’ drug abuse. Thinking he was still young (early 20s) and it was just a “phase” he’d grow out of.

    (Even though I have never done any drugs and I’m also in my early 20s…)

    But anyways, I ended it six months down the line, when he started being verbally abusive.

    I’m very happy I did… no regrets! who knows what could’ve happened!

    Thank you so much for this story!

  11. Joe 03/10/2011 at 8:01 AM #

    Bro,
    That is what happens when you date a girl that likes Linkin Park or Korn. Jk. Terrible story. At least you did not marry/have kids with her. $6000 is a small price to pay to never have to see her again.
    Why were we suppose to remember the day/date you started dating?

    • Erika 03/10/2011 at 11:58 AM #

      I know why! :) The number 4. It was the tattoo they got.

      • Minor 03/10/2011 at 11:07 PM #

        Someone was paying attention! :) Thank you Erika!

        -M

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 8:55 PM #

      Yo Joe, yes i agree Linkin Park/Korn equals RED FLAG. Your right it could have been worse for sure! As bad as it was I feel blessed we didn’t get tied up for life somehow. Good call. Thanks for commenting. Oh and the day/date we started dating had to do with our matching tatts….RED FLAG.
      -M

  12. eckoniner 03/10/2011 at 8:03 AM #

    I feel for you man, I went through something similar myself over the last 5 years, Only mine didn’t involve drugs but it was still heart wrenching. I know what it must have felt like, like your world coming to an end. But Koodos you kept your head held high and learned a lot of things (the redflags to watch out for) and are now better for it.

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 8:45 PM #

      Hi eckoniner, I know we all have our own RED FLAG horror stories, it’s how we all grow from them that make us better and stronger people. I feel for you as well.
      Thanks for supporting redflag101.com
      Respect
      -M

  13. MiSsKrIsTiN 03/10/2011 at 8:11 AM #

    WOW Minor, I didn’t even know all this happened. I’m sorry it did and you had to go through all that! I guess something like this is definitely an eye opener on LOVE & how wrapped up you can get with the WRONG person. But like you said, you still believe in love, which you should. We all go through crazy things in our lives, some crazier than others, but it can make you a stronger person! You will find the “right one” eventually, because you deserve that. And sorry, but this makes me want to punch Jenny in the face!!

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 8:34 PM #

      Hey MissKristin, you know I’m all good these days! Thanks for reading and for your sweet comment…
      -M

  14. chris 03/10/2011 at 8:12 AM #

    excellent read.
    despite all that, i’m truly curious:

    -Do you think of her?
    -Is there a part of you, however small, that feels sorry?
    -Do you feel that these were 5 wasted years?
    -Does it cross your mind (even for an instant) to somehow know how’s she doing, if she’s ok and not dead in a gutter?

    Cheers.
    -Some dude from around the world that read this and was touched…

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 8:23 PM #

      Hi Dude from around the world,

      -I remember the good times.
      -I do feel sorry for her, it’s hard to see someone you cared for have their life be so difficult. Life shouldn’t be so hard.
      -It’s easy to look back and feel it was a waste, but I feel I learned too much of myself and others to define those five years a waste. I have no regrets.
      -I actually talked over the phone with her just before I posted my story. She is doing a lot better these days. Which is good. Life should not beat anyone..

      Cheers to you! Thanks for being real!
      -M

  15. catrina 03/10/2011 at 8:15 AM #

    Its b!tches like that that make it hard for an honest woman to find an honest man :( I’m thankful for my bf who treats me right and would never fck up our relationship

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 7:42 PM #

      Hi Catrina, it’s bitches like this that keep an honest man honest as well, I know what qualities I want to find in someone else and I wont settle for anything less. I’m glad you have found a good guy that makes you feel safe! Don’t let him get away!
      Thanks
      -M

  16. Will 03/10/2011 at 8:21 AM #

    Thanks for being brave enough to share. I was in one of those and I still don’t have balls to admit that I ignored black flags in my own situation.

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 7:28 PM #

      Thanks Will, yes it was difficult to reveal such nasty details. I did find some therapeutic values in writing out my painful experience though! I kept in mind that if readers can learn or take anything positive from my story, that it was all worth it…
      -M

  17. Grantaire 03/10/2011 at 8:56 AM #

    I went through a very similar experience … then I read this link … Girl sounds like a sociopath, just like my ex.

    Read this article, I think it will explain a lot.

    http://www.youmeworks.com/sociopaths.html

  18. dude 03/10/2011 at 9:11 AM #

    red flag #1… you went to a linkin park/korn concert

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 7:03 PM #

      True… thanks Dude.
      -M

  19. ayoguy 03/10/2011 at 9:23 AM #

    mad nuts bro! sounds like a lot of jersey girls i know! keep your head up bro, keep truckin

  20. Damien 03/10/2011 at 10:23 AM #

    TL;DR

    I think the cat picture summed it all up tho.

    Happens too us all bro. Hope you’re not too jaded.

    • Minor 03/11/2011 at 7:01 PM #

      Thanks Damien for commenting, yes I’m all good now! Phew
      -M

  21. Meena 03/10/2011 at 10:47 AM #

    Poor Minor, watch out next time…. Girls can be tricky, but there’s good ones. Be picky

    • Minor 03/10/2011 at 10:47 PM #

      Hey Meena, thank you for the comment!

      Yes I think I’m now TOO picky. You’re not tricky, are you? :)

      -M

      • Anonymous 03/12/2011 at 3:52 PM #

        Nope not tricky, just wiser. Not shocked I have similar stories, but at the end of the day we are very blessed! Because we were given the opportunity to become stronger people and even if it took some time we moved on. Just meant for bigger, better things. never look back :)
        M

  22. sean 03/10/2011 at 11:12 AM #

    Plain crazy… f that whore!

  23. STINE 03/10/2011 at 11:50 AM #

    I dont know how I came across this but WOW. It all makes sense now. All the little hairs on my arm are standing straight up, I can feel what you write. Things like this only make you a stronger person, we live and we learn and we all know Karma is a bitch and people reep what they sew! I mean we all know you are an AMAZING person that deserves WAY better than this, and I’m glad you realize it too… Im so happy to see your doing good <3
    ….on a side note not ALL fidm chicks are red flags!! LOL Stick with Midwest chicks we are soooo beesttt

    • Minor 03/10/2011 at 10:26 PM #

      Hey Miss Stine, thanks for commenting! Haha it all makes sense now. Yes it should. Thank you for the kind words, and true not ALL fidm girls are RED FLAGS… but at least now you know why they can be…
      -M – izzzbezzzt.

  24. Graham 03/10/2011 at 5:22 PM #

    Hey, I know where you’re coming from, because this kind of thing happened to me twice. It’s what I learned from the second time that made the difference, so I wanted to share that. Apologies if I have to be honest to get there …

    Your article comes across as slightly “poor me”. Don’t get me wrong – what happened to you is terrible, but people can sometimes handle things strongly, or they can be the victim. You come across as the victim a bit.

    Deep down inside you know it’s not you, so you make statements about the fact that you’re not blaming her, etc. But you are blaming her. The whole article feels like blame.

    I blamed too. And that’s why it happened to me a second time – because I didn’t feel I had the power to control.

    Don’t take the blame in a negative ‘victim’ way, but in an empowering way. You have to take responsibility before you let it happen again.

    Trust me, the second time is worse.

    Good luck, thanks for sharing.

    • Minor 03/10/2011 at 10:10 PM #

      Hi Graham, thanks for reading and commenting!

      My intentions with this article was to share my experience with others hoping people could learn from my mistakes. I mostly blame myself for the pain I endured. Sorry to hear you had to live thru similar reality of f’ed relationships… twice.

      Take care
      -M

  25. Jenny M 03/11/2011 at 9:08 AM #

    My heart goes out to you Minor. I’m sorry this happened to you, but at least you came out stronger and definitely more aware of the junk that is out there. This also makes me sad that my name is Jenny too. lol

    Thanks for sharing with us.

    • Minor 03/15/2011 at 9:33 AM #

      Hi there Jenny, Thanks for your support and I appreciate your thoughts. Like you said, I’m stronger and so much more aware!

      Hope all is well,
      -M

  26. zorfie 03/12/2011 at 11:00 PM #

    wow, a friend sent me this link, and I almost didn’t read it. This makes me happy that I’m gay, altho gay guys can be 10 times worse than chicks, so ill keep this article in mind, thanks a lot for sharing.

    • Minor 03/14/2011 at 7:09 PM #

      Hi Zorfie… Thanks for reading! Hmmm, gay guys 10 times worse than chicks?! Have any stories you’d like to share?

      -M

  27. Rob M (you know!) 03/16/2011 at 1:52 AM #

    Minor, I forgot how great of a writer you are… keep it up mang! I was highly entertained the whole time and its 1:52 am:) see you out there on the mean streets…

  28. Ryan Reed 03/24/2011 at 9:25 AM #

    Wow you are a retard for wasting your life and your money with that chick. What in the world did you see in her? Companionship? Did you know you can get that with ANYONE? Even the worst kinds? Do I need to give an example or is the 5 page story a big enough slap in the face?

  29. Ryan Reed 03/24/2011 at 9:32 AM #

    Lol I just reread the title of this website, sorry! I clicked a link from Yahoo

    • Minor 03/24/2011 at 11:38 AM #

      Hey Ryan, no worries. I liked your first impression, that’s an honest and real reaction.
      Thanks for clicking and commenting!
      -M

  30. bill 03/24/2011 at 10:08 AM #

    Minor, your a very sweat guy and very handsome… to bad you don’t play on my team! hope you find the right one handsome.

    • Minor 03/24/2011 at 11:46 AM #

      Thanks Bill for your support!
      Stay well,
      -M

  31. Mike 03/24/2011 at 3:33 PM #

    Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, And continue your life sooo much wiser.

    • Minor 03/24/2011 at 4:11 PM #

      Done, done, and done! :)Yeah it’s all good! Thanks for commenting,
      -M

  32. Chris 03/24/2011 at 7:56 PM #

    My god bro, you seem like a nice guy.. most people would have strangled the “Demonslut” by flag 15! I wouldn’t say most korn fans would make a good life partner tho man.. maybe try hooking up @ a grocery store or on the street, that way you have better chances :)

    Shameless plug:
    http://buyproactolplus.net/

    Booya! (Had to do it) lol.

    • Minor 03/24/2011 at 8:49 PM #

      Hey Chris, thanks for commenting! and thanks for your aff link! yay!!!
      -M

  33. What a story 04/06/2011 at 9:23 AM #

    nicely written, at least you got a very interesting story to tell out of that absurd situation you got pulled into.

    also something changed in you for the better probably, wish you the best

    • Minor 04/06/2011 at 1:49 PM #

      Thanks for reading! You live you learn… I definitely learned alot. Take care.

      -M

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  35. jeffs 04/19/2011 at 11:43 AM #

    Man, what a story. i just ended a 10 year (16-26) ordeal that was very similar to this. You’re a strong individual to not get sucked in and come down to her level.

    You have ice in your veins, man. I unfortunately went to war with my ex and didnt come out looking any better than she did. Packing up her stuff and putting it in storage would have been the much better move! One where i could have walked away with pride and knowing i did the right thing. Losing composure and screaming and yelling and name calling isnt the answer.

    You are right. Intuition is so much more authentic and valuable than it gets credit for.

    I was also the subject of a master of manipulator and im still left thinking about what was real and what wasnt. she seemed so great but i was so epicly deceived.

    great story and its calming to see other good folks recovering from “hell” in a positive manner. Good to see people can still believe in love. Im sure trying to.

    • Minor 04/21/2011 at 6:19 PM #

      Hi jeffs, thank you very much for reading and for your kind thoughts. Im very pleased to hear that sharing my story may have helped you. Although I wish we didn’t share so many common experiences. I found writing about my past relationship to be therapeutic, and a closure to the bad memories. Now that it’s all out of my head, I’m free of all the hurt, pain, and confusion.

      I believe all of us have the potential to be ‘good’. It’s the red flags we all share that determines if we are ‘good’ for each other.

      Just work on you, trust your intuitions and most importantly apply what you have learned. Don’t be afraid to hold up that Red Flag.

      Thank you for sharing with us. Take care.
      -M

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  48. Jocelyn 07/27/2011 at 8:49 PM #

    Wow. I went through something similar (although not as horrible) with my first boyfriend. I was 18, first year in college, gave my virginity to this guy. Well, lets do a quick rundown here. Was in college, but had graduation no where in sight. I was paying on our dates for both of us. His dad was a cheater, so i should’ve known better (not true for all people, but this is a red flag for me) because i ended up finding all this crap of some 15 year old girl (al was 20, seriously sick) sending him naked pictures. Called him out, he denied it, cried, i forgave him, gave it a shot. He moved out with his cousin, i showed up unexpected one morning with pancakes i made for him at home (im way too nice) and some girl comes out that ive never met and he said his cousin had just left and she was his cousins friend. Let that slide (wow im stupid). Added him to my phone line. He was always hiding his phone, turned away when he would text. Always lying. Stiffed me with an unpaid $300 phone bill, never paid me back. One time my dad gave him $60 to help with funeral costs of his uncle, and he kept the money. What an ahole! Wasted 3 years with this douchebag who somehow managed to capture the hearts of all my guyfriends and is STILL very good friends with them.

    Anyhow, in the end i’m SO HAPPY i went through hell and back. I’m sure you are too, because now we both know what to spot out and when to run for the hills.

    I’m so sorry that this all happened to you, seems like you’re a great guy with a genuine heart. This is my first time reading your blog and i love it! :)

    • Minor 07/28/2011 at 11:24 AM #

      Hi Jocelyn, thanks so much for your honesty. Also for your kind words. It makes it all worth it to me when someone like you writes back that relates and has a positive outlook on it all. I’m happy for you to have made it through it all, you will be that much stronger for rest of your life. Unfortunately for us nice, good hearted people we have to learn the hard way. Just remember to never look back and always take the ‘good’ that you learned from that stepping stone of a relationship. Hope you continue to enjoy the site. If you ever want to submit anything, feel free!
      Take care, Minor

      • Jocelyn 08/17/2011 at 11:53 PM #

        Minor,

        Wow thanks! :) I would love to.

        Take care!

        Jocelyn

  49. Terri 02/10/2012 at 7:37 AM #

    Thanks for your well-written account of your ordeal and your honesty about your part in it. I have confidence that you will not end up in the same type of situation again. I wish you the best.

    • Minor 03/24/2012 at 1:01 PM #

      Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I appreciate your kind words and also feel there will be NO ‘part 2′
      Take care -Minor

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. How My Ex Damaged My Goods: The 27 Relationship Red Flags I Failed To See - Trackback from DailyKix.com - 03/10/2011

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    How My Ex Damaged My Goods: The 27 Relationship Red Flags I Failed To See…

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