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Bible Humping

26 Jul

Guest post by REDFLAG101 contributing writer, The Reformed Slut.

Can you date someone who is pretty much perfection, with the exception of one (major) Red Flag?

Kevin was pretty fucking hot! Dirty blonde hair, 6’2, blue eyes, with a body that resembled a Gladiator. Even though he was in a fraternity, I thought he was different, and boy was he different. One night I was sitting on the counter in the kitchen and he somehow wriggled his way in front of me to where I had pretty much straddled him to keep him close enough for conversation. He grabbed my face for one of those first kisses that made you feel like ripping your clothes off right then and there. But we were at a party and I’m not exactly an amateur porn star.

Kevin had told me he was involved with his church. I didn’t think much of it at the time. Although I hadn’t been religious my entire life, I’ve had plenty of friends who were devoted Catholics and Christians, and he knew this. He took it upon himself to teach me the differences between Christians and Catholics. Am I at Bible Camp? It was a one sided conversation that lasted an hour – I shit you not.

I remember I said something to the effect of “I’m going to hell for this’” (I probably was talking shit about someone, I forget), and Kevin went on a 30 minute spiel about how the Lord Jesus Christ will forgive my sins if I become a believer…Red Flag.

If two people come from two different backgrounds and religions, then fine. Accept the differences and move on. Like normal relationships, neither party should try to convert the other person into adopting their faith.

BUT KEVIN STARTED PREACHING TO ME!!! I told him that I was happy the way my life was, and although he said “That’s fine babe, as long as you’re happy”, I just wanted to tackle him and yell “STOP JUDGING ME!!” What happened to the guy who gave me the let’s-get-naked kisses?!

After dinner and drinks one night, we were parked somewhere secluded in his car because he was still drunk (Note to guys: Red Flag if you get wasted and can’t drive your date back to her place!). We ended up just hanging out in his car. The conversation went well enough that we began making out.

Now usually, I would have been DTF, but I wasn’t about to sleep with a guy (who I had been seeing for a month) for the first time in a car, so I told him I wasn’t ready to do anything more than making out. Again, he said “Babe, that’s fine” and continued to make out with me.

Like a ninja, in the blink of an eye, Kevin made his way from the driver’s seat to grinding on top of me in the passenger’s seat. I remember thinking to myself “What The Fuck?! How did that just happen?!” I let my hand slip down towards my purse to grab my mace just in case Kevin wasn’t willing to acknowledge my earlier request to take it slow.

Red Flag Kev started dry humping me. He was the humpback whale. How was humping me like that remotely pleasurable?! We were fully clothed wearing jeans. That’s a pretty thick barrier of clothing. I broke from the kiss to remind him that I’m not ready to do anything more than kissing, and, frustrated, Kevin made his way back to the driver’s seat. I was expecting him to somehow sweet talk me into giving him head or letting him finger me. I would’ve been cool with that. I was not prepared for what he actually did. READ THE REST!

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7 Responses to “Bible Humping”

  1. Melissa 07/27/2011 at 7:28 AM #

    OMG! I had the same thing happen to me with the last guy i was dating!

  2. Jenni 07/27/2011 at 8:19 AM #

    Good for you to recognize this red flag right off the bat and get the hell out of there. What a douche! I really like your name – Reformed Slut… LOL!

  3. BOB 07/27/2011 at 9:30 AM #

    Good read! thanks

  4. Nic 07/27/2011 at 9:57 AM #

    Hahaha that was entertaining read!

  5. CTme 07/29/2011 at 9:22 AM #

    Bible humping, no BJ getting creep. Can’t beat it.

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